Sunday, December 7, 2008

Formals, no formals, and emergency contraceptives...

Oh do I have goodies for you greedy little children. Its move in day AND formals weekend 
a blogger's dream. 
So, let us begin with Friday night. Not too much to tell aside from Agnes's pathetic appearance at FIJI post DU formal. Crying in a dress is always sad. Kevin can choke on a hotdog, though. Montana shacked with her number one shacker, Jorge at Kappa Sig, and wound up with some warm liquid all over her back. When I first heard this story, I thought it was going to get dirty and I was excited, but it turns out Jorge just couldn't hold his bladder and Montana's back seemed like a good place to relieve himself. Next time, maybe, Montana he'll give you the good stuff.
Teeheheheee now, Saturday. The day began as any other, but tension and hairspray use quickly escalated as time went on, and all of Mama Hen's little beautiful babies looked splendid, thanks to good genetics, BCBG, and a little help from Agnes. 
At dinner, I hear Pearl and Pokey were quite, quite close. Butterfly kisses? Absolutely! Pearl loved Pokey so much she just wanted to eat him up, and that explains why her fork was in his hair.
Esther and Floyd were supposedly the cutest couple there, which isn't surprising, since Floyd will be leaving us soon. It was especially touching when Esther was covered in a drink, slipped and fell in the puddle, and Floyd lovingly dragged her through the liquid in a frantic attempt to save her. How romantic and slippery. 
Frances had a good time on her Black Diamond blind date, so much so that she saw the purple loop as the appropriate spot to take that brave lean in for the kiss. Classy, Frances.
Blanche went to Blue although she had a boyfriend. The night went well, but it ended with her overserved date stating, "I just want to rip that dress off of you and GET IT ON." Wow, Blanche, I am really surprised that line didn't work on you. It had me unzipping my pants the second I heard it. Passionate with a touch of romance and urgency. And very well put. 
Wilma left Orchid to shack with Mr. Evan's Scholar again. The wedding's in June. 
Myrtle had a wonderful time with Bell, and Esther can mimic the makeout's sound affects so perfectly. Its an art form, really, Esther. It should also be noted that when passed out in his loft, Myrtle was heard asking "Who the fuck is that?!". Turns out it was simply Bell. Is that some sort of role playing you two do? Strangers in bed together, I like it.
Gertrude and Runny were also a notable couple. Not only did the two horndogs manage to sneak in  a quicky before going back to Sigma Crotch, but frisky little Gertie treated Runny to a happy hand job under the dinner table. (Que Wedding Crashers scene here). 
On a Move In note, the bowling alley was completely disinfected by its new inhabitants after the discovery of a rotting bowl of strawberries under one of the beds. The scene was described as "A plethora of shit". 
We should also take the time now to take a moment of silence for the missing girls who moved into the Annex today. The search is still on, as most were last seen around 4p.m. Please keep them in your prayers, we will meet again girls, we will meet again. 
I am so glad all of you had wonderful times at formals, not at formals, or binge drinking and having sad sex to attempt to fill the gaping black holes in your hearts. God speed children. 


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