Monday, December 8, 2008


I just learned how to add photos to the blog. Thought all of you should be warned...


Sunday, December 7, 2008

Formals, no formals, and emergency contraceptives...

Oh do I have goodies for you greedy little children. Its move in day AND formals weekend 
a blogger's dream. 
So, let us begin with Friday night. Not too much to tell aside from Agnes's pathetic appearance at FIJI post DU formal. Crying in a dress is always sad. Kevin can choke on a hotdog, though. Montana shacked with her number one shacker, Jorge at Kappa Sig, and wound up with some warm liquid all over her back. When I first heard this story, I thought it was going to get dirty and I was excited, but it turns out Jorge just couldn't hold his bladder and Montana's back seemed like a good place to relieve himself. Next time, maybe, Montana he'll give you the good stuff.
Teeheheheee now, Saturday. The day began as any other, but tension and hairspray use quickly escalated as time went on, and all of Mama Hen's little beautiful babies looked splendid, thanks to good genetics, BCBG, and a little help from Agnes. 
At dinner, I hear Pearl and Pokey were quite, quite close. Butterfly kisses? Absolutely! Pearl loved Pokey so much she just wanted to eat him up, and that explains why her fork was in his hair.
Esther and Floyd were supposedly the cutest couple there, which isn't surprising, since Floyd will be leaving us soon. It was especially touching when Esther was covered in a drink, slipped and fell in the puddle, and Floyd lovingly dragged her through the liquid in a frantic attempt to save her. How romantic and slippery. 
Frances had a good time on her Black Diamond blind date, so much so that she saw the purple loop as the appropriate spot to take that brave lean in for the kiss. Classy, Frances.
Blanche went to Blue although she had a boyfriend. The night went well, but it ended with her overserved date stating, "I just want to rip that dress off of you and GET IT ON." Wow, Blanche, I am really surprised that line didn't work on you. It had me unzipping my pants the second I heard it. Passionate with a touch of romance and urgency. And very well put. 
Wilma left Orchid to shack with Mr. Evan's Scholar again. The wedding's in June. 
Myrtle had a wonderful time with Bell, and Esther can mimic the makeout's sound affects so perfectly. Its an art form, really, Esther. It should also be noted that when passed out in his loft, Myrtle was heard asking "Who the fuck is that?!". Turns out it was simply Bell. Is that some sort of role playing you two do? Strangers in bed together, I like it.
Gertrude and Runny were also a notable couple. Not only did the two horndogs manage to sneak in  a quicky before going back to Sigma Crotch, but frisky little Gertie treated Runny to a happy hand job under the dinner table. (Que Wedding Crashers scene here). 
On a Move In note, the bowling alley was completely disinfected by its new inhabitants after the discovery of a rotting bowl of strawberries under one of the beds. The scene was described as "A plethora of shit". 
We should also take the time now to take a moment of silence for the missing girls who moved into the Annex today. The search is still on, as most were last seen around 4p.m. Please keep them in your prayers, we will meet again girls, we will meet again. 
I am so glad all of you had wonderful times at formals, not at formals, or binge drinking and having sad sex to attempt to fill the gaping black holes in your hearts. God speed children. 


Friday, December 5, 2008

Once upon an awkward night...

Well, last night was a night full of several adventures. The function was...successful...ish? Helen met her soulmate, Glenn, as did we all. He smelled like stale cheese and crackers. 
It appeared that in order to combat the awkwardness that was the first hour or two of the night, many of the girls resorted to rapid-shot-intake. Because of this, there are many many stories to tell...
Myrtle pacified her oral fixation by biting Augusta. 
Ida danced away her blues and cut a rug at Sigma Nu.
Deborah, still not attending a formal, was looking forward to spending her weekend with Sig Ep's captured squirrel. Today we learned the sad, sad news that at some point last night the squirrel suffered a massive heart attack induced by frat raging. Deborah is distraught. 
Agnes came home to find Dorothy snuggling with Lucille in the top bunk. Lucille was begging Dorothy to leave, but Dorothy was just too cozy...
Esther and Pearl were unable to attend the function on account of Selling and Sales Stress. 
Montana was rudely accused by Sum Dum Ho of stealing her shoes. Amid the scuffle the words, "Bitch I didn't steal yo shoes!" were heard. Later, Montana realized that she may have actually stolen the said shoes...
Agnes entertained herself by telling young drunk bitches that she was captain of the dance team, they then showed her their splits and a short 8-count dance. She told them they were definitely PDT material. 
Wilma, always on the husband hunt, spent last night with Mr. Evan's Scholar, and then was savagely attacked via text message by a bitter and jealous Frank. 
Mildred allegedly took quite a memorable spill down the beautiful wooden staircase. Mildred denies the accusations, but an eye witness (Augusta) is sticking to their story. 
Frances found a last minute date to Black Diamond, and, in her words, "Omg you guys....I'm like seriously nervous...Omg."
Today was Fried Friday aka Orgasm in Mouth. (But not an ACTUAL orgasm in our mouths, but if any of you skanks recieve one this weekend I will totally out you via blog.)

UPDATE: Chester the Sig Ep squirrel is in fact alive. He was released into the West Lafayatte wild this afternoon, so Deborah still has no plans for the weekend. Unless another rodent is captured. 

Well kids, not much more to tell, I blacked out a little and lost all my field notes. I will be carrying a notebook from now on. 


Thursday, December 4, 2008


Hello one and all, this is the first post of many on this wonderful new blog. So....

Today's News:
Vivian got her period. 
Pearl can't go out tonight because she's spending YET ANOTHER night giggling in Hicks with her soon-to-be-facebook official-boyfriend, Pokey. 
Montana was seen out of her Northface. It was a shocking moment, and many people still don't believe it. I was there and it was amazing. Like looking into the sky and seeing a shooting star. I made a wish.
Deborah is still looking for a date to ANY FORMAL AT ALL, on account that her boyfriend's house does nothing but build and tear down large boats. 
Prudence will shack for the second time in her life this weekend at Orchid. Vivian may need to give her the sex talk, we're not sure. (Prudence, let us know...)
Agnes still has no life. 

Not much news to report thus far, but after any Thursday night I'm sure there will be shackings, and other sorts of shananigans to tell.